At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
