I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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