I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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