i think my mom watched the whole time
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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