You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
