Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
