in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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