We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
