This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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