He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
