my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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