you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
