Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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