Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
