I just made out with a guy for $7.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she looked like the before picture.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
