if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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