my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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