someone threw a dead crab at me
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
