Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
