just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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