Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
