i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
