If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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