I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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