O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
