Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
