Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
