I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
