just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
