This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
