why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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