Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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