Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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