ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
should my penis look like a turkey
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
