Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
