my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
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