mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
