Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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