i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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