New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
