Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
