I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
