If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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