I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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