I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
