I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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