I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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