What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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