hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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