i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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