i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
