I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
