Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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