We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
